So, I read Weetzie Bat by Francesca Lia Block

I was supposed to have surgery last Thursday. Due to health insurance stupidity it had to be cancelled last minute and will have to be rescheduled at a later date. I decided to take this opportunity, since I had already been taken off the work schedule, to read a bunch of stuff I've been meaning to read for a while. I picked up over a dozen YA and Juvenile books from my library, including a couple of Block's since she won that YA award this year (sorry don't feel like looking it up just this minute and I can never remember half the award names). I read Weetzie Bat on Thursday in lieu of surgery.

I WOULD RATHER HAVE HAD SURGERY. Even with the anesthesia, surgery would have been less mind numbing and a more pleasant experience. I would have been less nauseated from the after affects of the anesthesia. It would have been a more useful experience to beat my head with the book for the hour and a half it took to read rather than subject my brain to the onslaught of horribleness that this book was. In short, I did not care for it.

Where to begin, where to begin. First of all, it's written as if the author is speaking to a four year old. Let me demonstrate (I read this passage aloud to Jeremy and he threatened to hit me if I didn't stop. Yeah, that bad):

"You're my best friend in the whole world," Dirk said to Weetzie one night. They were sitting in Jerry drinking Club coladas with Slinkster Dog curled up between them.
"You're my best friend in the whole world," Weetzie said to Dirk.
Slinkster Dog's stomach gurgled with pleasure. He was very happy, because Weetzie was so happy now that her new friend Dirk let him ride in Jerry as long as he didn't pee, and they gave him pizza pie for dinner instead of that weird meat that Weetzie's mom, Brandy-Lynn, tried to dish out when he was left at home.

Second, the character names were reminiscent of a bad children's TV show : Weetzie Bat, Dirk, Jerry (a car), Slinkster Dog, Duck (Dirk's boyfriend), My Secret Agent Lover Man (not kidding, Weetzie's boyfriend), Cherokee (Weetzie's child), Witch Baby (Weetzie's adopted child), Go-Go Girl (partner dog to Slinkster), and the puppies: Pee Wee, Wee Wee, Teenie Wee, Tiki Tee, and Tee Pee. Did I mention nauseating?

Three, no plot. We follow Weetzie and Dirk as the find boyfriends, move into together, and decide to have children. I'm sorry, this does not a plot make. Mainly becasue there is no climax of the story, and no struggle. Weetzie, get this, finds a magic lamp and wishes for boyfriends for her and her friend and then a place to live. Before this they were club kids. OOO AAH. You think it might get a little interesting when Dirk's grandmother dies in order to grant the place to live wish, but no. They just go "Oh, well, she was old. How cool is it that she left us her house!" It was repulsive.

I don't know how this got published. I would not let a teenager read this purely on the basis that he/she MIGHT believe that this is acceptable writing and story telling. I think "consciousness" was the most complicated word used in the whole book. I'm impressed that it was spelled correctly.

I will read one more YA book by this author, just to give the benefit of the doubt. I'm not holding my breath though.